Diamonds in the Rough: Lessons From the Wisdom of Dandelions
- Naomi Nubin-Sellers
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
By: Naomi Nubin-Sellers
Families come in all different flavors. In the military space, our diverse familial arrangements are unified through our shared experiences of facing the joys and challenges of military life. In my previous article, Finding the Sunflower in You, I established that military life is uniquely challenging for military-connected women and partners. I identified us as beautiful sunflowers, blooming wherever we are planted while nurturing all of those around us and gravitating toward others to form our created communities. Military partners and spouses are the formidable backbone of the military organization, often operating in the shadows and occasionally doing the thankless work to support our soldiers at home and away. So… Where do our dandelions fit into this framework?
The often overlooked feature of military institutions is the experience of military children. Our sweet dandelions spend their youth blowing here and there through PCS moves, often with little say in where or when they must pack up and go. They make friends everywhere they go, only to load up and leave just a short time later. This process shapes their upbringing, vitally impacting their socialization processes. In fact, nearly half of these dandelions will grow up to become service members themselves, first sacrificing as children and then continuing their sacrifice as adults. This piece is dedicated to them, recognizing their experiences, acknowledging their resilience, and recognizing their views as military-connected children.
As the title suggests, we can learn much from the fruits of our love (or passion). You may wonder, what can we possibly learn from children? From my experience, watching children evolve can teach you a great deal. Military children, especially with their unique experiences, have much to offer all of us; together, we can learn from their wisdom.
From Children to Dandelions
My family came late to the military. As a more seasoned and close-knit bunch prior to moving away from home, we all felt the growing pains as we worked to reestablish ourselves in our new life. New school for the kids, a new house for all of us, and (my worst nightmare) a brand new schedule for me. It was here, at our first duty station, that I saw the transformation occur. My children made friends quickly, opening up in new ways by trying new sports, adapting swiftly to their new curriculum, and settling into their new life. While they began to thrive in their new environment, I still struggled to find my place. When we had been at our new home for about a year, my husband was up for a 9-month rotation. At the time, I was completely mortified. As with many families, the first deployment is always frightening, and ours was typical in this way. At this point, I was running on fumes, and with nowhere to turn, I looked to the ones who had watched me fight for the life that I wanted, my very own children, for direction. They shared this that day; both said it in words and displayed it through their actions.
The Eldest, Matthew
“Mom, you take yourself too seriously. You should relax and try something new. You are so smart, make some friends, it’s easy.”
My Micah Mouse
“Mom, you don’t need to worry so much. Everything will work itself out. Just do your best, and the rest will be fine.”
My Best Girl, Hannah-Marie
“Mom, make some new friends, and you will be fine. You don’t need a bunch; just one good one is enough. I am so shy to talk to people, and it takes me a while to warm up, but once I do, then they get to see the real me and that I am funny and smart.”
The Young One, Myles
“He kicks off his shoes, and hands me one of his Hot Wheels cars. I watch what he does, and he sends it flying down the long hallway in our house. We looked at each other, and burst into laughter.”
The Wisdom in Youth
Together, my children represent the embodiment of the military. Often, they show strength in situations most adults would find difficulty tolerating, displaying generosity with their families and communities, and having to grow up when those around them demand it. We have all felt the sting of PCS moves, deployments, field activities, 24-hour shifts, and the absence of our loved ones. As adults, most of us possess a higher level of understanding that allows us to move forward through these difficult circumstances.
But what about our dandelions? Are they the choiceless and the voiceless? No, they are not. Of course, it would be unreasonable to expect them to understand all of the adult problems that we face. But, their experiences, resilience, and sweet disposition as dandelions show us that if we relax a little, trust ourselves more often, make some friends, and laugh, we can get along a little easier. And honestly, I believe them. Life is very funny in that way; just as it is seemingly inconvenient, it can also show us the inconvenient beauty that it produces through the challenges that seem to come so naturally.
I recently attended a play, The Ghost of Hip-Hop Past, which was a wonderful reminder of these notions. Through music and history, the play highlighted how, although children have not lived long enough to feel the fear that accompanies being courageous enough to fight against injustice, they can stand up and be brave if given the opportunity. It served as an enlightened reminder that we too were once young and careless. A potent reminder that their strength frequently reflects the little miracles innate in life. As military-connected children, they often depend more on our created community than their non-military counterparts. The creative directors of the play, Dhakeria and Will Little, provided us with this creative reminder through the theater and helped to highlight the important lesson that it truly does take a village to raise children, but it takes an entire community to build a family. My deep gratitude to them for sharing their art with us!
Sunflowers and Dandelions Connected Journey
And before you say it, yes, those of us raising the children make immeasurable sacrifices to ensure a smooth transition for our families and children as we move wherever duty calls. I am not overlooking our sunflower status, but connecting it to those periodically overlooked or dismissed. Our young ones are those whose sacrifices often go unseen while we struggle with the business of the adult world, frequently blinded by our problems and goals. And for some of us, given our upbringing, we consistently imagine our children’s lives as much better off than our childhoods. Also, if you are anything like me, that means our kids are not allowed to have problems of their own, not real ones anyway. Although we are usually well-intentioned, we may also be misguided on this point. Over time, my children have proved that each child must grow up in their own way, in their own time, and make their own mistakes. And, just as we all did, they will muster the strength that they need to become resilient individuals. Military dandelions are remarkable in this regard, each in their own way, and by embracing their perspective, we can all learn a little something.
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